Articlr

Per Dr. James Lehman, children can act out in inappropriate ways when they don't know how to problem-solve. It is a mechanism by which they have learned to cope and they use it to make someone else solve the problem for them. Dr. Lehman's Total Transformation program aids us parents in giving our children the tools needed to solve their own problems. They will be take responsiblity and be more accountable then.

Here are three strategies that you will give a straight forward direction in changing things and doing so immediately.

1. Make direct statements. Be straightfoward in telling the child what you want, be firm and clear, then walk away. Don't be worried that you are seeming powerless here. You have placed the responsibility and accountability for his actions squarely on his shoulder and that is powerful!

2. Disconnect. Discontinue interacting with your child when they become abusive or lack respect. This becomes a power vacuum and you won't believe how quickly things turn around. We have started using this effective parenting skill and are amazed how well it works. Start interactions again when the child accepts responsbility for his actions.

3. The consequences need to be task-oriented and time-limited. When able, make the punishment fit the crime. Like, "no phone privileges until you finish your schoolwork". Your child cannot be punished into behavior that is acceptable. It should be short term, not prison term.

Finally, be prepared for the long journey! They will develop these skills. But change and thankfullness don't come at once. Blame will eventually become gratitude. Be patient!

A couple of notes - Don't allow your child's words or actions to affect your handling of the situation. Being consistent is the number one rule in parenting. However, if you mess up, don't be too hard on yourself. We are also in parenting training (or retraining). One thing you can count on, you will get a second chance to try out your new skills!